Brain

my brain is developing even more
on the home front, I seem safe for now, but only because my mother gets to upset when my father tries to reason with her

The joy of life

I've been blocking out my parents conversations, though I heard enough to realize that my mom does want to have me, and then give me up for adoption. my dad, however, does not want me....
oh! I feel cramped *stretches*
"ow!"
oops
"aww little Ivy are you in there?" wow
"what, did you name it?"
"of course"
I block out the rest.
that makes me feel better
she knows my name
it makes me smile and hope that I will live and run around with joy someday

oh no.

I was flexing my elbows when I heard things
"ow" said my mother I suppose
"what?" my father
"nothing"
"look, I already know"
"know what?"
"that you're pregnant"
"I don't know what you mean"
"don't lie to me!"
"I'm not! don't hit me!"
"why didn't you get rid of it!!! we can't have a kid. now you're attached to it aren't you?"
I only hear mumbles, then
"sorry I yelled and hit you"
more mumbling
......................
no
they don't want me
they don't know how great I would be
my father called me it
how unloved am I?
it's not right
are they going to kill me?
all I can do is cower, with no one to tell them I can hear them and wish I could tell them how much I want to love them

for all you statistic people out there.....

my heart is pumping 25 quarts a day *nods*
I have toenails
my scalp is developing
...
that's about it

morning

*yawn* hey there humans on the outside
wow my legs are growing longer
and it feels great to breathe in all that fluid that surrounds me
*gasp*
a light is shining at me
what?
I can see it, though my eyelids are fused shut
I love the light
I wanna be out there with it

life

My mother is swinging her hips, swaying to something
I can just imagine her in the kitchen, stiring cookie batter as my dad jokes about something
the corners of my mouth lift at the happy thought
wait
I move my arms and feel the odd shape my mouth made
what's it called?
oh yeah
a smile
I have to smile again and feel the warm happy feeling of my soul
suddenly
my mother feels distressed. I feel dark thoughts being channeled at me
the corners of my mouth turn down with great difficulty
I feel the sorrow and anguish in my soul
hmmm. the opposite of a smile is a frown right?
ewww I hate frowning
I smile
it's easier
and
I could just imagine my eyes sparkling as I smile at my friends that I hope I'll meet someday

identity theft

I now have fingerprints that are not like anyone else's
I wish my identity would not be questioned
I'm human
don't kill me
wonder how it's going out side of here

face

my face looks more like yours now
I'm getting more human every day

be strong

I feel my teeth under my gums. and my bones are hardening.
I'm told my skin is still transparent though
I want to be strong. woah.
as soon as I thought that my hand curled into a fist. wow
it feels odd as I flex my hands.

fingernails! I have fingernails in here!

I was rubbing my fully separated fingers together when I noticed my fingernails.
ooo I can't wait to get them painted with that smelly stuff you silly humans use....what is it? nail polish?
in other news my liver is up and running
and my brain is huge! (I'm not kidding)
oh. how do I know all this stuff. well my friend (or not my friend I don't know)
things are pretty boring in here
we're created with knowledge of everything
but when we take our first breath of air, we forget everything we know
and have to learn it all over again
*sigh* I am convinced that you humans and I are not related. because if we were, I would have the same rights as you, wouldn't I?
but I know I don't
I know you guys and your leaders say it is alright to kill me
wow. how can you elect leaders who support murder?
it doesn't make sense
oh and by the way, I would die a very painful death if you decided to kill me. don't tell me I wouldn't feel it
even if it had been before, when I was an omelet. my soul would take the pain
that's worse than heartbreak

earlobes

I like that word you humans use, earlobes.
they feel all rubbery
oh, you're wondering how I can feel them
well, my shoulders work now, so I can move my fingers with touch pads on them
now my eyelids are fused shut
you people out there don't think I'm alive
and you must certainly not consider me human otherwise it would be wrong to kill me
it's the mother's choice, you say
but why? it's my life
would you let someone else decide if YOU live or die
no. you'd want revenge if someone killed you, right?
but I don't count and it makes no sense
yes, I used to think my mother loved me
but more and more I fear she does not want me, is pretending I'm not here
and I fear the moment when I cease to exist
why should I have to worry about this? my life has barely begun
are we mere animals?
bugs to squash?
have I no value?
why?

Thoughts

as I float here, I grow.
my eyelids are translucent and cover my eyes
but I can still see my hands folded tenderly over my heart. the strange inhuman webbing is fading as my fingers grow longer
my legs now have knees. I enjoy flexing them
and most of all my brain cells are forming pathways so I can learn all the beautiful things of the world
I want to see the world. I want my mom to call me inside after I've run around all day and eat her apple pies. and my dad to help me with my math homework
I want to meet cool people and yell crazy things
I don't like being alone now
as of right now, I can tell my mom is pretending I'm not here. when she hugs her stomach, it's in a "why are you in there?" way
but why? I'll be great I promise
can't say I'll be perfect, but I'll do my best
please don't kill me.......

eyelids

as I float here, I continue to grow
still have a tail. I'm told it will go away soon. I see my umbilical cord connecting me to my mother
but my eyelids are growing, and soon they will fuse shut. that's okay
I'll have a lifetime to see, a few months to wait is fine with me
I can be patient as I float here wrapped in love

hey I got a heart

sorry. I have been too busy growing.
I have small webbed hands and arms that could wave to you.
and small webbed feet to kick with
my tongue and vocal cords are forming
I have eyes
and
I have a heart that beats twice as fast as normal
but
I do have one
how dare people say it is alright to silence it

formation

now I look like an omelet. I have three layers
did you know I have a neural tube?
it will delvelop into my brain, nerves, spinal cord, and backbone.
not even 2 months old
people like to abort babies around now. how could they? when I and all the others are clearly alive.

Preparation

everything is coming together. this is my last restful week.
my mother did a lot of running this week.......

Discovery

I was awakened from my reverie by a scream.
it seemed that my mother had learned that I was here
me, the little group of cells that had arranged herself into 2 layers that look like pancakes. ooo I will love pancakes that my mother cooks
more screams. sounds like my father found out. I can't tell what they are saying.
it just occured that I see my life as it should be. I may not make it. which I want to very badly so I can help the world

Awakening

I am just a ball of cells.....yet I know more than you
I know that life must begin at conception, for I am alive right now
I have feelings and a soul. and by reading my DNA and genes, I can tell what I will be:
my name (whether my mother names me this or it becomes my nickname) will be Ivy
for I'll have deep green eyes the color of ivy. my hair will be dark as night and naturally part so it falls down over my left eye. I will like it that way, and let the straight locks grow til they are shoulder length. they will curl up at the edges.
I'll be of medium height. I'll be able to run a mile with ease, so I suppose I'll be lithe.
I'll be so smart. I'll make a song that will change the world with its words and melody. and also
I will find the cure for cancer.
I can also see my future friends and husband and all the love and joy and sorrows I will see
no one remembers these things. as soon as you are born and take your first breath of air, you forget it all...........but I know it now. and that is what I focus on as my cells divide and multiply